.'s Journal
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
.'s LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Sunday, May 1st, 2005 | | 3:17 am |
13 is an unlucky number,right? Ugh. How many more days(weeks/months/years) am I going to not be able to deal with life? The sad thing is,I know you don't give a shit. There is no God.If there were,he'd have fucking taken pity on my soul already and killed me. | | Friday, April 29th, 2005 | | 9:03 am |
"Every face,yours eyes I can see."
5 years from now,I'm going to either be laughing about all this or be dead. "I plead and pray,though each night and day our embrace is only a dream. And soon as days come from moments,each hour becomes a life's time. When she left,I'd only begun this lullaby." I'd rather be laughing,but I think if I do,I'll look back and realize how unfunny it all actually is. What I'd like to do: -Pack up all my essentials and drive away,never to be heard from again from anyone...anyone around here,at least. I do need to get out of here...I need a vacation really bad...I know what I need...and turns out it's impossible to attain. Ah,thank you life,I love being bitter and depressed. | | Sunday, April 24th, 2005 | | 3:32 am |
| | Friday, April 22nd, 2005 | | 10:14 am |
The lesson learned...
...women are greedy,selfish whores who can't be taken seriously? Sounds about right to me. Oh,and if you're a woman and you read this and get pissed,fucking look at yourself. Current Mood:  cynical | | Sunday, April 10th, 2005 | | 9:08 am |
Man,theater parties are just as depressing as they used to be. For way too many reasons. I did get to see and hang out with a bunch of people I haven't seen for a while. I suppose that was an upside. I got practically no sleep last night. I feel like shit now and I have to work until close tonight. I'd really like to just get off work,go home and fall asleep for 15 hours. I'm so weak in every possible way. I need to write some songs. Yeah...that'll be fun. Yay... "What's the fuckin difference? We're all gonna die." Current Mood:  depressed | | Friday, April 1st, 2005 | | 10:00 pm |
I can't believe Mitch Hedberg is fucking dead. This week cannot get any worse. Current Mood: sad | | Thursday, March 31st, 2005 | | 9:51 am |
Man,I hate leases. I visited AJ down in Corydon the last couple days. Seems like a way less stressful town than Terre Haute. Much smaller,but still pretty much everything you need in one compressed area. Plus,the cost of living is considerably lower. AJ's rent is only 400 bucks a month(200 for him,since he has a roommate)and the place was way nicer(and bigger) than mine,which I pay almost the same for. I wish I could be content with not having a social life at all. Things would obviously be much easier. I really just need to get a 2nd job and work all the time. Save up a bunch of money and not have time for a social life. Sounds good to me. I don't think anyone will mind too much. The Archaeologist is playing our first show on May 20th at the Love Amongst the Ruins CD release show in Rosedale. It should be fun. I think Between the Nightmares is playing,too. Yay for double duty. I'm gonna be dead after that show. I predict my back and neck to fall off. Jesus,I'm still aching from the show on Monday,and I barely even moved. My back hurts so much right now. | | Saturday, March 26th, 2005 | | 6:03 am |
"Cracks in the ceiling, crooked pictures in the hall Counting and breathing, I'm leaving here tomorrow They don't know, I'd never do you any good Laughing is easy, I would... If I could Ain't gonna worry, just live 'til you die I wanna drown with no-where To fall into the arms of someone There's nothin' to save & I know You live 'til you die Losin' A feelin' that I couldn't give away Counting and breathing, disappearing in the fade They don't know, I'd never do you any good Stoppin' and stayin', I would... If I could" Current Mood: sad | | 4:50 am |
Well I haven't been completely depressed recently,but I'm still pretty apathetic towards pretty much everything...but that's just me anyway,so I think I'm good for now. I guess acceptance along with someone I respect kind of "putting things into perspective" is what has somewhat cured me...who knows? I guess I'm just ready to "move on",whatever that means. I have no where to move on to,so I'm really just going to be stationary,I suppose. My money situation is still in the shitter as always,but some things going on with bands soon are looking good. Girls? I'd like to say,"Who needs 'em?",but I really need companionship of the opposite sex to kind of balance my day to day ratio of stupidity. I know they're everywhere,but I'd say about 95 percent of the women I come into contact with in the course of a day are not girls I would ever date or even consider dating. Moving on is dumb when it seems completely uneccesary. I guess if things went my way,other people's lives would be fucked up. Current Mood: discontent | | Sunday, March 13th, 2005 | | 9:28 am |
Fuck.I don't know what I need. I know watching some awesome bands(Black Arrows,Anapparatus)at the Emerson Theater last night was cool. I was decently content screaming along lyrics to my favorite Anapparatus songs...but then it's over. I drive home and listen to Type O Negative and feel the same way I've been feeling the past FOUR MONTHS. Jesus...What the fuck is wrong with me? I've been wasting over four months of my life being unproductive,unhappy,and suicidal...and for what? Nothing. I'm discontent in every aspect of my life,big deal. "Ignorance is bliss. Wish not knew your kiss." I'm starting to despise every girl I see just because she's a girl. I don't want to know anymore of them. They're capable of too much destruction...and they know it. I wish it were just as easy for me. | | Monday, March 7th, 2005 | | 8:35 pm |
I've managed to be distracted enough for almost 2 weeks,but distraction isn't what I need when it comes down to it. It doesn't really matter how much fun I have or how much time is spent with other people or how much I say to myself I'm glad that I ignored her call within the course of a day. At the end,everything is still the same. Current Mood: discontent | | Sunday, March 6th, 2005 | | 8:48 am |
Don't worry,my life still sucks. Current Mood: onthevergeofanervousbreakdown | | Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 | | 7:43 pm |
You seem to do fine without me,so I'm not going to attempt to burden you with my stupidity and my selfishness anymore. Just because I can accept the fact that life sucks sometimes doesn't make it hurt any less. I can't do anything else. I've done everything I can do. I have nothing else to say. Current Mood: numb | | Sunday, February 20th, 2005 | | 9:38 am |
Man,why am I so pathetic? Knowledge is power and right now,I am weak as hell.Everything just slides by without any mention. 4 days in a row seeing each other and we just act like everything is perfect.Maybe it's just me getting what I want for a short period of time and I can at least pretend everything is alright and I don't want to fuck it up with bad conversation. I hate confrontation,so of course I never want to bring it up...also,it makes me sound pathetic...which I am,but that's besides the point. If there is a god,he would be compassionate to my suffering and kill me in my sleep...tonight...please? Current Mood: depressed | | Saturday, February 19th, 2005 | | 11:12 pm |
"So remember,you will be pronounced braindead...and buried alive."
I'm not going to heed her advice(not inadvertently,it's just something that happens,I can't control it),so I guess I shouldn't hold her to heed mine. Making assumptions is a bad thing to do,but it's hard not to in my head. Maybe I need to watch the Big Lebowski every day for 3 months again,because my lesson from that movie is not being reciprocated right now. Current Mood:  blah | | Friday, February 18th, 2005 | | 11:02 pm |
Went to the show in Rosedale tonight.It was well worth the seemingly ridiculous 5 dollar fee to get in. Anapparatus is fucking amazing. They're punk as fuck in a Converge sort of way,and I really don't think a lot of the people at the show could comprehend them. I envy Joel so much for being able to have a band like that. I feel like doing something,but there's nothing to do now,and I'm really tired. I have to watch the dog at my parent's house tomorrow night... That'll be oodles of fun. Being distracted by things like shows is pretty cool. I always feel fine when I'm distracted by things. Other people...ugh...I wish there were some kind of green light for me to move on...like I would do anything anyway...I'm far too much of a pussy still after all of this to try to get into a relationship with a girl...and I mean,if it doesn't work out with Molly and I,I'll know for sure that women are crazy and it's just a losing battle trying to find that special someone...Maybe I'll become so jaded that I'll start to be a real guy when it comes to women and I'll hit on them like a douche bag and not care who's feelings get hurt and all that good stuff that girls like. Bah! Fuck this. | | 9:43 am |
Well,I was decently happy for a few days.That was cool. Of course,as always,it was short lived. I kind of wish music wasn't such a big part of my life...Not having any kind of real serious music projects in which I can write my music is starting to annoy me...and there's no one in this town to play with. I need to not care about love either...But that's impossible,no matter how hard I try. "Who's gonna tell you when It's too late? Who's gonna tell you things Aren't so great? You can't go on Thinking nothing's wrong Who's gonna drive you home tonight? Who's gonna pick you up When you fall? Who's gonna hang it up When you call? Who's gonna pay attention To your dreams? Who's gonna plug their ears When you scream? You can't go on Thinking nothing's wrong Who's gonna drive you home tonight? Who's gonna hold you down When you shake? Who's gonna come around When you break? You can't go on Thinking nothing's wrong Who's gonna drive you home tonight?" | | Sunday, February 13th, 2005 | | 9:05 am |
Abusing company time is awesome. I got practically no sleep last night...Too much thinking...a pastime I really should stop partaking in. Whenever I have the money,I'm going to treat myself to a non-musical gift to myself:a fully functional replica of Tom Servo,my favorite little bot from MST3K. Perhaps this purchase will liberate me as I will actually be able to see what it feels like to spend a large amount of money on something other than musical equipment. I've almost been in my apartment for a month...Seems way longer than that. I can remember my first day/night there and those memories seem like they happened so long ago. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I don't think the annual Nubbs/Brandon/Roy tattoo/milk chugging fest is going to happen due to financial issues,but perhaps we'll do what Nubbs had in mind:move it back a month every year...So we'll do it March 14th this year,April 14th next year and so on... Ugh,Valentine's Day. As much as I would really love to extend some...love...I would just feel like a complete chode for giving in to such a dumb holiday. Not like I technically have anyone to celebrate with,but hypothetically. Anyhoo,today is going to suck.Real bad. Not a whole bunch of sleep plus over 11 hours of Jimmy John's equals a not so happy Roy Michael Arnott of the 2nd variety. That of course all coupled in with this nonstop depression trip I've been on as of late will make this day just that much better. Current Mood: depressed | | Saturday, February 12th, 2005 | | 9:44 pm |
Ok...I've heard "Throwing it all Away" by Genesis a thousand times,but last night,I actually listened to the lyrics...holy crap...never before have someone else's lyrics hit the nail on the head so much for me. I miss Molly so much. I haven't seen her for over a week,and I think she's cool with that. She seems like she wants to move on so much,but it really doesn't help me out anymore when she tells me that she loves me...What am I supposed to think of all this? I'm totally confused of her intentions and her plans for her future. Mine are clear,so I thought. If she doesn't want me to be any part of her future,that needs to be said,so that I can carry on with the rest of my life. "Need I say I love you Need I say I care Need I say that emotion's are something we don't share I don't want to be sitting here Trying to deceive you Cos you know I know baby That I don't wanna go. We cannot live together We cannot live apart That's the situation I've known it from the start Every time that I look at you I can see the future Cos you know I know babe That I don't wanna go. Throwing it all away Throwing it all away Is there nothing that I can say To make you change your mind I watch the world go round and round And see mine turning upside down You're throwing it all away. Now who will light up the darkness Who will hold your hand Who will find you the answers When you don't understand Why should I have to be the one Who has to convince you Cos you know I know baby That I don't wanna go. Someday you'll be sorry Someday when you're free Memories will remind you That our love was meant to be Late at night when you call my name The only sound you'll hear Is the sound of your voice calling Calling after me. Just throwing it all away Throwing it all away There's nothing I can say We're throwing it all away Yes we're throwing it all away..." I love you more than you'll ever know... Current Mood: depressed | | Wednesday, February 9th, 2005 | | 9:42 pm |
I can't function normally anymore...I feel like my life is in Limbo. There's no way possible I can just drop this and let it go and move on with my life...That's not even an option right now...There's really nothing I can do at this point. "Valentine's day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies...to make people feel like crap." I'm bored...Kind of hungry... Current Mood: depressed |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
thenameisbetty's journal